So Hard To Say Goodbye
by Mondler4EvEr
Summary: The hardest thing to ever do is say goodbye, but he never thought that he'd being saying it to the love of his life. TroyRyan.


**Author's Note: Ok, here's another songfic, which will have the song **_'It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday' _**by Boys II Men. I love this song and every time I listen to it I get a bit teary-eyed. This is going to be Ryan and Troy, which means SLASH. This is going to be a bit sad too, I'm trying not to cry right now because I know what I'm going to write. Well, I hope you like it, please enjoy!**

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**_How do I say goodbye to what we had?  
The good times that made us laugh  
Outweigh the bad_**

I can't believe that this happened. We were so supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. He had promised me that he would be forever by my side and will never think about leaving me. But I guess fate has a funny way of working. I remember the night I had received that horrible phone call. My mom had actually answered the phone and told me to come downstairs and she broke the news to me. She had told me to sit down, but I didn't want to. I wanted her to tell me what was going on.

"_Troy, honey, something happened to Ryan tonight." She said looking like she was going to cry._

"_Mom, what happened?" I asked slowly. _

"_Ryan was in a car accident tonight- " I didn't let her finish her sentence._

"_Is he alright? We have to go and see him right now!" I said grabbing my coat from the closet. _

"_No Troy, you can't go and see him, he's…d-dead." She said to me and I just looked at her with an emotionless expression. _

After all of that I just remembered getting light-headed and then waking up the next day in my bed with my mom looking at me. I then remembered what she had told me last night and prayed that it was all a dream, but of course it wasn't. Why did God take him away from me, I loved him so much and he was ripped away from me like that. I had to get out of the house so I decided to go to school. The news had traveled fast about Ryan's death. Everyone was giving me and Sharpay sympathy looks and telling us that it was going to be ok. Sharpay and I stuck close together during that day. She had told me that the night that Ryan had that she had felt this horrible pain in her side and that she paid no mind to it. She had felt her twin brother die and at the same time she didn't even know it. She finally broke down in the middle of the hallway with everyone staring at us. I wasn't one bit embarrassed because she had the right to cry over him. I just held her in my arms as she cried. I wanted to cry too so bad but I had to be strong, for me, Sharpay and Ryan.

_**I thought wed get to see forever  
But forever's gone away  
Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday**_

**_I don't know where this road is going to lead_**

_**All I know is where we've been  
And what we've been through.**_

That was all just a week ago. So now I sit here in our town's church, at the end of the first row. Sharpay is a few people down from me, crying her eyes out on her father's shoulder, while, his mother is on the other side of Mr. Evans doing the same. I can tell that he wants to cry but like me, he can't. He wants to be strong. I try to listen to the pastor as he reads scripts from the bible but I can't, my mind keeps having these flashbacks. It's like a slideshow in my head. There's Ryan and I laughing, sharing our first kiss, us saying our _'I love you's' _and everything that we've been through together. The pastor finishes and calls Sharpay up to say a few words. She surprisingly does without collapsing and after her it's my turn.

"Are you sure that you want to go up there?" My father asked me. I looked at him and nodded. I had to do it. I don't think that I would have felt complete if I didn't bid him a final goodbye. I walked slowly up to the podium and adjusted to microphone up to my level.

I took a deep breath before beginning, "I don't think everyone here will ever understand how much Ryan meant to me. I just loved him so much that it hurt. I know that some of you that are in this church right now would have never accepted me and him. But that's ok because I just hope that you saw our love. I will miss Ryan so damn much and I don't know how I'm going to live without him. We made promises together but some promises are meant to be broken. He wanted to go to NYU with Sharpay next fall to study theatre and I was going to follow him there on my basketball scholarship. I guess that won't happen. The world will never really know how talented and beautiful he was." I said trying my hardest not to cry in front of all these people.

_**If we get to see tomorrow  
I hope its worth all the wait  
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.**_

"Now, I will like to sing a song and dedicate it to my love." I said slowly before grabbing the microphone and stepping from behind the podium. I put the microphone up to my mouth and began singing.

_**And I'll take with me the memories**_

_**To be the sunshine after the rain**_

_**It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. **_

As I began to sing the last verse, I looked over at his body in the casket. I suddenly couldn't take it anymore. I had finally broken down. All my emotions that I've been keeping in for a week have finally caught up to me. I dropped the microphone and collapsed to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. I heard people gasp and few people who had started crying also. I was crying so hard that I didn't even pay attention to the person who picked me up off the ground and carried me back to my seat. I looked up at the person who was sitting next to me and it was my mom. She had her arms wrapped tightly around me and she was crying also. I leaned against her and continued to cry.

"That's it sweetie. Let it out." She said soothingly while rubbing my back.

After the service, everyone said their final goodbye's to Ryan before his casket was carried off to the graveyard. I couldn't find the strength to say goodbye to him. So I just went into my parent's car as they drove to the graveyard. When we got there the pastor said a few more verses from the bible before they lowered Ryan into the ground. When it had reached its six feet, I went over to it.

"Ryan, baby. I love you so much. I can't believe this is it. I will never be able to touch you or kiss you ever again. I will never be able to see your beautiful smile and hear you tell me how much you love me ever again. I want you here with me right now, but nothing ever works like that. I miss you every single day. Our love's like the wind baby. I can't see it but I can feel it." I dropped a white rose into the ground before they covered it with dirt. I wiped some tears away and began to walk back to the car. I then felt a light breeze brush over me. I looked up at the sky and smiled. I know that I will see him again someday.

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**Author's Note: Ok, that was so hard to write. My sister was even getting teary eyed. I was listening to the song while writing this too, which made it even harder. This is my first time writing something like this and actually having the guts to write it. I honestly hope that you guys liked this. Please review. I really want to know what you guys think. Thank you.**

**April**


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